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Merry Christmas (From Bruce)

from Batmas 2012 by Matthew Moore and Jake Sand

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What do you get a woman when you have everything...including a secret identity? The answer is obvious, particularly if you give that secret identity to every woman you date. Big love to the big guy, poor choices and all.

lyrics

The dark night is covered in snow
As I watch over shoppers below
Reminds me I’ve got giving to do
But I already know what I’m giving you
It doesn’t come with ribbons or bows
I’m gonna tell you something nobody knows
On Christmas, unwrap the mystery
‘Cause I’m telling you my secret identity

CHORUS
I’m Batman
Merry Christmas, I’m Batman
Yes you heard me right, I’m Batman
Hope you didn’t guess it, I’m Batman

See, I want to give you something that’s real
Not a girlfriend cycle or girlfriendmobile
No fur-lined cape, no 20-carat ring
‘Cause when you’re dating Bruce Wayne, you can have anything
So Alfred set a table for two
And Dick is sick; he’s got deja vu (Holy deja vu, Batman!)
There’s nothing waiting under the tree
For Christmas, unmask the real me

CHORUS

When you’re near, I feel that our lives are complete
But the pang when you’re gone knocks me clear off my feet
Being your mister frees me up to be cute
I can step out of the night and into the light and play you a song on my batflute

This gift is yours ‘cause I love you best
I’ve got no regrets...like all the rest
When Vicki saw behind the veil
It’s ‘cause Alfred let her in the cave; that wasn’t my fail
Selina guessed while we danced one night
She’d kissed my batlips during a catfight
With you I want to shout to the world
Except not really; we can’t tell anyone that you’re my girl
What if they tried to get to me by hurting you, ‘cause I’m Batman?

CHORUS

I’m Batman (He’s Batman!)
Congratulations, I’m Batman (He’s Batman!)
Best Christmas ever, I’m Batman (He’s Batman!)
You don’t have to thank me, I’m Batman (He’s Batman!)
I’m Batman

- Listen, baby, I can tell that you don't believe me but it's true
- I'm Batman; I'm the Dark Knight
- Okay, listen, you remember that time you were walking home from work
- And you were attacked by that gang of street toughs and Batman saved you?
- That was me!
- You remember what he said?
- He said, "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me"
- Does that ring a bell?
- Yeah, that’s cause it—
- Oh, hang on
- Yes, Commissioner?
- Bell-ringing Santas with machine guns?
- The Joker!
- I'll be right there
- I’m sorry, baby, I’ve...I’ve gotta run
- Can we try this again tomorrow?
- Same bat time, same bat mansion?
- I know; I love you
- And merry Christmas
- I'm Batman

(I’m Batman)

credits

from Batmas 2012, released December 19, 2012
Words and Music: Matthew Moore and Jake Sand. Batman and related characters: property of DC Comics, used here for festive parody. Instruments: Jake Sand. Vocals: Matthew Moore and Jake Sand. Robin: John Stumme.

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Matthew Moore and Jake Sand Seattle, Washington

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